**sensitive**

After TTC for a couple of years and having one early miscarriage I got pregnant in 2004 just after we bought a wreck of a house and were living in my husbands work while our bungalow was being torn apart and built back up again.

My pregnancy seemed to be going ok I had hyperemisis and was hospitalised for a week due to this and put on medication but continued to go into work every day.

At my 20 weeks scan all was normal they had no concerns and sent me on my way.  When I was 25 weeks pregnant I started to get a horrible pain in my side and went to see the nurse who did a urine sample but said it was ok- they didn’t realise I was pregnant until I said.  I still went into work but came home at lunch time every day where MrR had a bath waiting for me to ease the pain so I could go back to work again for the afternoon.  As everyone said I was ok I didn’t panic I though this was just pregnancy.

Saturday night came and I was awake most of the night crying as I couldn’t feel my baby moving.  Sometime in the early hours he moved and I was reassured enough to get a little sleep. On Sunday I still didn’t feel great but thought I was over reacting.

Monday 22nd November I went to the antenatal appointments in my doctors and was seen second on the list.  The lady in front was in early labour at term so was rushed to hospital.  I then went in to say I had these pains and my feet etc were swollen.  My blood pressure was also raised and my urine sample came back with lots of markers for pre-eclampsia.

I was sent straight to the hospital and got to the delivery suite where I was turned away as the lady who had gone up from my GP’s was in the admission room.  I was brought to a ward where I lay for a while with people checking my blood pressure.  They changed me to another ward but still only continued to check my blood pressure, I didn’t get a scan.

On Tuesday 23rd November the doctors decided that I should start a 24 hour urine collection and at lunchtime they came and gave me a steroid injection in case I had to deliver early. After lunch we went for a scan.

Mr R and I walked down and had the scan where the radiologist said she couldn’t see properly on the scanner and made us move to one next door. She then called for a second opinion before giving us our file and letting us walk back to the ward.

On the way back I opened the file and saw reduced movement and panicked- MrR told me to stop until we spoke to the doctor in case I was reading it wrong.

I wanted to go out for a walk but was stopped by the nurses and told the consultant was on his way to see me- the first we had seen him so far.

The consultant came and told me my baby wasn’t moving and needed to be delivered- I was only 26 weeks pregnant at this point.  I cried MrR cried and we started calling family.  The nurses came to prep me for theatre when everything changed again.  The consultant came back to say I was to be taken by hospital to the main hospital where the regional NICU was situated.  We packed up and waited for the ambulance to come. My mum came with me in the ambulance while MrR drove behind.

Once we arrived at the main hospital I was taken by wheelchair to a room where they had a more sensitive scanner- I had no idea where I was and only found out the location of this room when I was pregnant with K and getting doppler scans.  A female doctor came through a second door in the room and scanned me again and said my baby had to be delivered immediately.

I was wheeled to the delivery suite and prepped again for theatre.  i had a nurse with me and she kept saying the babies heart rate was flat and I needed to go in for surgery immediately but the surgeons where at their break and wanted to wait until after they had their toast! All this time I was in denial, my mum and MrR were with me and my dad was on his way as his work had not passed on my message.

Once I was taken down to theatre my legs started to shake and I had to be held down to get my spinal sited.  I then was lowered down and the section started.  I felt horrible pain as my baby was lifted out and started to be sick, I had to take off my glasses and when they brought my baby boy over to the side I couldn’t see him.  I thought he was already dead as there was no noise.

They brought my baby over and I said I can’t see him I have no glasses all I can see is a blur, my glasses were quickly found and all I saw was a tiny bundle with black hair.  The neonatal doctors worked on our precious tiny little boy and then said he had to be taken immediately to NICU as he was extremely ill, they kept calling him baby and I shouted he has a name his name is R.

After they finished with my operation they advised I had been given a J cut on my womb and would never be able to labour and would always have to have sections, I didn’t care all I wanted was to know how my baby was.