I am joining in with here come the girls and the latest blog carnival on A mile in My shoes in answer to what has made people ask ‘How do you cope‘
I am quite regularly asked how I cope in relation to my trips away with work and the answer is with a great support network. MrR, my mum and mother in law all step in to make sure the children are sorted while I am away.
However this is not what I am going to do this post on I am going to talk about pregnancy and babyloss. MrR and I have had a very long and difficult road to becoming parents and as such people are always found to be asking the same question, how do you cope?
After 4 years of trying for a baby which included an early miscarriage I got pregnant with R after a horrible pregnancy with a lot of sickness and being hospitalised for hyperemisis I ended up having an emergency section at 26 weeks. Nine weeks of intense ups and downs followed until we had to decide to let R go – this has been the hardest decision we will ever have to make.
We decided after this we might try one more time but this was quickly followed by an early miscarriage before I got pregnant again the following month with K. At K’s 20 week scan we were told she had CCAMS and might not survive. We took the chance to go through with the extremely stressful pregnancy, I also had hyperemisis again and K was born at 36 weeks weighing 6lb 1oz. K’s early years involved lots of dashes to hospital and many admissions due to her lungs.
Being gluttons for punishment I talked MrR into trying one more time, I got pregnant after a few months and we were so excited. I bought K a big sister T-shirt and got photos of her wearing it ready to show the inlaws after the weekend. Then followed bleeding and more hospital appointments before emergency surgery for an ectopic.
I decided there and then I could never go through this again and we made the appointments to make sure we would not have any choice. The fact I had also had a tube removed and had 2 sections plus been opened for the ectopic surgery meant I was unsure my body could cope never mind my mental state.
A few months later I knew I was pregnant and a test proved it. MrR and I were both in shock yet elated to have been given this chance as we knew we wanted more children but we couldn’t have planned another one. A pregnancy filled with hyperemisis, and numerous hospital appointments followed. A car accident at 19 weeks didn’t derail us and at 37 1/2 weeks Buster was born all 8lb 8 oz’s of him.
While pregnant with Buster K had major lung surgery but recovered well and only needs yearly check-ups at the minute.
The best thing about this situation is that we got through, we have a lovely little family and know just how precious and loved they are. We have what we never dared dream off and although we have the normal stresses and arguments we have a strong foundation that is always there.
The hardest thing is being without R, I seldom spend time thinking of my early miscarriages and am not even sure of the years or dates when they occurred but can easily recall minute by minute my nine weeks with R. My ectopic was extremely hard at the time but the birth of Buster has made that fade into the past.
What gets me through the day is my family and although we will never get over R dying it meant that steps were put in place to make sure K and Buster had the greatest chance of survival.
If I could change anything I would insist on an earlier scan with R and make them give me steroids as soon as I was admitted to hospital and not just a couple of hours before he was delivered, I would also have gone to hospital on the Saturday night when I knew he wasn’t moving rather than wait until Monday to go to the GP. If I had done this things may well have been very different.
The advice I would give would be to never give up, never doubt yourself and make sure your voice and concerns are heard. You will be able to keep going, coping may take a while but you will function.
K and Buster holding R’s teddy which is wearing one of R’s hats